*SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t seen all of Game of Thrones Season 7, stop reading now*
With lashings of blue fire, Game of Thrones Season 7 is done. We’re left with so many spectacular revelations, from Jon Snow’s lineage to Cersei’s sprog in waiting.
But what about financial reveals? What can we learn from these feisty lads and lasses, beyond how to wield a sword or fling a witty barb?
1. Pay your debts.
The Lannisters always pay their debts – just look at Cersei repaying with gold recently plundered from the Tyrells. Now that she’s debt free, the Iron Bank will lend her more money so she can hire the Golden Company and defeat Daenerys and Co., thus achieving her life goals! (Note that having a good relationship with your banker is great and all but money can’t buy you friends, as evidenced by Cersei having to buy her allies.)
2. Cut back on weddings and funerals.
The Crown has been in debt for the entirety of GoT, and yet there they are, those lords and ladies – quaffing the kingdom’s best reds and marrying off their chilluns, then mourning their inevitable deaths with lavish funerals. If the Lannisters had been a bit more frugal with their parties, there might be more gold dragons left for buying friends.
3. Guard your gold.
All those people out there predicting the next financial crisis/zombie apocalypse – when you’re buying up your gold bars, don’t be like the Tyrells (mentioned above) and leave your loot lying about so anyone with a horse can snatch it. Get thee to the Iron Bank’s underground storage unit or equivalent.
4. Chop off your locks.
Cersei has so much to teach us! Think of the budgetary benefits of her new short hair – her colourist will charge the cheaper, short-hair rate when she gets her foils done, and Cersei can cut it herself, with a Stanley knife. That could save her masses of gold.
5. Opt for an Unsullied-style uniform.
The best thing about having a uniform is you save those fruitless hours worrying about what to wear to impress your workmates; and you can cut back on fashion expenditure – double saving! You might even be able to claim your leather skirt as a tax deduction.
6. Banks are pragmatic.
According to Tycho Nestoris, The Iron Bank “invest[s] in endeavors we deem likely to be successful”. They don’t care if you’re honest Jon Snow, or duplicitous Cersei… or if you’re digging a coal mine through the Great Barrier Reef. Just make sure you pay them back.